Growth Edge

Today I learned the difference

between working a growth edge that feels right

and forcing a “growth edge”

to make someone else comfortable.

One feels expansive and exciting

A good kind of anxiety

Like telling your crush that you like them —

Vulnerable, but worth the risk.

The other feels like self-abandonment

Like a claw digging out my heart space —

Deflating my will to carry on.

One carries me towards the healing

that makes the life I truly desire

More possible.

The other drags me towards

Someone else’s version of “healed”

Which smells suspiciously like

Trying to be “normal”.

It took me a long time

To find the words

To express the boundary I am needing

with clarity and self-responsibility.

But when I did,

ease flooded my whole being.

I sighed all evening long.

No more forcing.

There was another way forward.

I still haven’t actually spoken the boundary aloud;

I lost all of today’s opportunities to old fears.

But tomorrow I will muster my courage again

Because there is enough emotional safety here

To take the risk

Of working this growth edge

That feels just right. 🖤

Addendum: This morning I mustered the courage

Spoke the boundary I was needing,

Eyes lowered, hands occupied,

Creating more space for the words to come out.

He received my boundary so beautifully, so graciously

That I thanked him

hugged him

cried

ran wind sprints —

in that exact order. 🖤